What Happened This Week in Washington 6/17/21

  1. Supreme Court Stands Up Woke Philly: In a strict rebuke of the woke sensationalism winding its way through every crevice and weak mind of America, the City of Brotherly Love was halted by a unanimous decision by the U.S. Supreme Court, barring the city from intervening in the case of a Catholic Foster Care program that excludes same-sex couples. Yes, that’s right–the Woke neophytes who’ve toppled common sense and free speech with a microphone, a couple cardboard signs, and the facile imagination of a generation of young Americans, were told: “No, I’m sorry, you can’t force Queer and Lesbianism down on our throats on this one.” The court cited the First Amendment as the guiding reason in their decision, surprising a multitude of liberals, gays, blacks, lesbians, crotchety white women looking to fit in, and young feeble minded lemmings yearning for the latest sensational fad to subscribe to–who were previously under the belief that First Amendment was some sort of abstraction that belonged under the boot heels.
  2. Biden Blunders in Geneva: Aiming to reestablish a relationship with and reign in Russia’s Vladimir Putin, President Biden got off to a brilliant start by nearly referring to the Russian President as his predecessor in the White House: “I caught part of President, uh, Tru– uh, Putin’s press conference, and he talked about the need for us to have some kind of modus operandi where the Arctic was in fact a free zone,” Biden said. As Biden blubbered and blundered, making several more of his now well-patented senile gaffes, Putin appeared strong and defiant in his own press conference following the summit, saying in response to CNN questions about his crackdown on opposition parties and the detention of Alexei Navalny, “America just recently had very severe events, well-known events, after the killing of an African American,” Putin responded through a translator, referring to protests following the police killing of George Floyd. “And the entire movement developed known as Black Lives Matter. I’m not going to comment on that but here’s what I do want to say. What we saw was disorder, destruction, violations of the law, etc.,” Putin said, “We feel sympathy for the United States of America but we don’t want that to happen on our territory. We’re doing our utmost in order to not allow it to happen.” Imagine what would happen if American had a president who displayed such strength of conviction in the face of baseless mobs….oh, wait…
  3. Cackling Kamala: I suppose women empowerment now simply means being a cantankerous bitch. Kamala Harris, who empowered girls everywhere to be disrespectful, self-righteous, narcissists when she famously retorted to Mike Pence during the presidential debates, “Uh, excuse me, I’m speaking….I’M SPEAKING!” now has gone 85 straight days without visiting the overwhelming crisis at the U.S. southern border, saying, “Well, I haven’t gone to Europe either, hahaha, so what’s your point?” That laugh, one she seems to employ when challenged on anything, encapsulates all of who she is. Good luck America.