- I Can’t See What’s Right in Front of Me: CNN publishes an article by crack political reporter Devan Cole, who’s job obviously qualifies him to make the following statements utterly devoid of sources, data, or well, science, in which he pens the authoritative statement: “It’s not possible to know a person’s gender identity at birth, and there is no consensus criteria for assigning sex at birth.” It’s not possible. Our eyes have been lying to us since the dawn of humanity. Untold trillions of babies have been born with mislabeled genitals—probably resulting in the rise of Hitler, the bubonic plague, Allister Crowley, and climate change. Thank god, the sagacious reporting of CNN has finally set the record straight. It’s not possible to tell the difference between a penis and a vagina. It’s just not. I mean, look at apples and oranges. How can you know? You can’t, unless you eat them. So now we should stuff everyone’s genitals into our mouths in order to know if it’s a girl or a boy. It’s the only way to truly know, and to stop this travesty that has been plaguing mankind since the beginning of time. God save the ambiguity of genitals CNN. Never trust your eyes! Remember: Trump is gone now. The era of science has returned.
- Silence in the Sound of Applause: In yet another celebrated leap toward the end of free speech in this country, eyebrow-less NBC news anchor Lester Holt launched a blistering speech against the idea of fairness in reporting, during an acceptance speech for receiving the Edward R. Murrow Lifetime Achievement Award, in which he uttered one sentence in particular that sent liberals, progressives, communists, socialists, feminists, radicals, twitter arbitrators, and Don Lemon’s beloved image of himself cheering like Christ himself had returned to Earth: “I think it’s become clear that fairness is overrated … the idea that we should always give two sides equal weight and merit does not reflect the world we find ourselves in.” Keep in mind the Murrow award is given to those who demonstrate a commitment to excellence in journalism. The man without eyebrows continued: “That the sun sets in the west is a fact. Any contrary view does not deserve our time or attention.” Yes Lester, thanks to you and your little gang of woke charlatans and superfluous dandies, the sun is indeed setting on the West. We might do well to remember where it rises—for among all the media members applauding your tirade against free speech, China was clapping too.
Let us close then, by applauding Lester as well. For after all, it’s no small feat to make a prophet out of a book written over a 100 years ago:
“The press today is an army with carefully organized weapons, the journalists its officers, the readers its soldiers. The reader neither knows nor is supposed to know the purposes for which he is used and the role he is to play.”
― Oswald Spengler, The Decline of the West