The Darling Of Absolutism

The first amendment has some notable exceptions- you can’t yell “Bomb!” in an airport, declare undying love for child pornography, speech intended to incite riots, etc. And now, apparently, criticizing Michelle Obama.

In her virtual speech to the Democratic National Convention, Ms. Obama cemented her legacy as one of the great orators of our time, alongside such luminaries as Abraham Lincoln, Mother Theresa, and Joan of Arc. Coming on the heels of her spell-binding, earth-shattering, literary titan of a novel that will surely cement her legacy as one of America’s finest authors (and overwhelmingly deserving of this year’s Nobel Prize in Literature), the rapturous Becoming, the female (we think) Obama reclined on the plush polyester couch of her $11 million dollar Martha’s Vineyard estate and cast herself as a victimized soldier, humming along rank and file with all other black people in an America that’s “not just disappointing, its downright infuriating”.

“Enough of you know me by now. You know that I tell you exactly what I’m feeling. You know I hate politics. But you also know that I care about this nation. You know how much I care about all of our children” she says, in one of a number of references to children, which also includes, “They’re looking around wondering if we’ve been lying to them this whole time about who we are”. Indeed they are Michelle, indeed they are. Do you think they’re looking at you? “They watch in horror as children are torn from their families and thrown into cages.”

Well Michelle, if they are looking at you and wondering if you’re lying to them, why not tell them the truth? The bad, evil, orange man didn’t create those cages did he? It was not under his orders that those first little fingers were ripped from their mothers, were they? No, sweet empress of black people, that would be your husband: (Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t believe Donald Trump was president in 2014.)

As usual this is swept under the rug of “At that point Donald Trump squeezed a diet coke can so hard it turned into a diamond” as late-night host Jimmy Fallon squealed with glee recapping the illustrious Mrs. Obama’s speech.

Yes, Donald Trump may be a liar, a narcissist, an egomaniac….but when Michelle Obama, and her legion of drooling devotees, points their finger at Trump, they may do well to consider what exactly it is they’re pointing at….it may well be a mirror.